A Challenged Love
by xoxjumpergirlxox
Summary: Alexis loves Happy, she loves him with all her heart. However, when she finds him in a compromising position, is she able to move past the pain or is their love broken?


~ I have had this idea stuck in my head for the past couple of days and I have to get it out. Lol. Characters except for my own are property of Kurt Sutter

Alexis's P.O.V

I couldn't breathe, not just in that metaphorical bullshit way, I _literally_ couldn't breathe. My airways felt tight and I only sucked in breath like a fish out of water, nothing was expelled. I fell to my knees, collapsing against the worn floor and started shaking. My hands flew to my head, yanking at the brown curls in desperation. Everything in my eyesight was suddenly spotted with little black dots, and I was fighting the urge to give in to my body and just pass out. I could see shoes in what little vision I had left and I just prayed that it wasn't **him**….

The next time I opened my eyes I was in an unfamiliar room, and more specifically a very strange bed. I shot up from my splayed position, and the regret was instantaneous. My bones felt as if they were trying to escape from my body and the world felt as if its axis spun a million times faster. "Woah there Lexis" I heard and I looked up to see my best friend Tara. "What the fuck happened Tara?" " I have no idea, I was coming to see if Jax left Thomas's binky in the room and found you hyperventilating on the floor outside Hap's room." Suddenly, everything came flooding back to me in an instant. "You remember when you found Jax and the cunt bitch Ima?" Her face crumpled and then hardened in a split second, I hated to do this to her especially when I knew how much it affected her, but it was similar to my discovery. "Yes." She gritted through clenched teeth, and I had to flinch at the tone. "I'm sorry, but I guess you can count me within the ranks of women done wrong." Her brows furrowed and she asked me what exactly I meant by that statement. " Hap didn't come home last night, we were arguing about something, funny how I can't even remember what it was now… anyways, I came over here this morning to try to apologize and I..I… found him in bed with some croweater!" I managed to choke this out before dissolving into tears again. "Oh sweetie, oh no. I am so incredibly sorry that this happened. I swear I had no idea about it. This explains your panic attack then," she gathered me in her arms and rocked us back and forth. "I never ever wanted you to have to feel this pain; it is the worst thing I have ever felt in my life. I never wished this for you."

I could her muttering about that slimy git and worthless bastard, and behind her proclamations I could literally hear her pain as well. She was reliving her pain and mine. Through my tears and gut wrenching sobs I could feel a churning in my stomach and I jumped from Tara's arms and into the bathroom where I promptly threw my innards into the porcelain toilet. I heard Tara come in and wet a wash cloth, and then she began to wipe my forehead, eyes, and mouth. "I know that shit happens on the runs, I'm not stupid. Hap is no where near as faithful as Jax is, he just doesn't see that sex with other women is cheating." Scoffing indelicately I continue on, "He tells me that is doesn't mean anything, and that I'm his Old Lady and that I need to accept that he will fuck other women on runs. I never should have accepted that shit, you know? I'm better than that, and I deserve better than that. It's just that I love that mother fucker, and I hate him so much for that, for making me love him like I do. He **never** should have brought that shit home!" "He PROMISED me that I would never have to deal with that shit, that he was with ME and ONLY me when he was here," I cry this last bit out. Collapsing back into Tara's embrace, I recommence my break down and fall back into oblivion.

When I woke up for the second time, it was with a clearer mind and panicked realization that **he** could pop up at any moment, and I didn't want him to know that I knew just yet. With Tara's help, I managed to sneak out of the clubhouse, which was really no great feat and everyone was passed out in various states of disarray. After promising to call her, I got into my truck and headed home, grateful for the fact that I would have time to decompress without the cheating prick with me. As I walked through the front door, I was bombarded with memories. Us cuddling on the couch, not that he would ever admit it, making love on said couch, the floors, the door, the kitchen. Basically every where I turned I was struck with memories of the passionate love we made. It was too much, and initiated yet another break down. Stumbling down the hall, I tried to hold myself together as I endeavored to reach the bed. I flew to it, and dived under the covers, immediately ensconced in his scent. The tears flowed stronger and I curled within myself as I bawled until my body just gave out.

I was woken by the sound of the front door opening, and footsteps heading towards our bedroom. Normally, I would have already grabbed my glock from its place on the side of my dresser, but I knew those steps. Hap had come home. Luckily I was facing towards the wall and he had yet to notice that I was awake. The sounds of him undressing and laying out his KABAR and other various weapons used to be comforting and exciting. Now, it just fills me with dread. I snapped my eyes shut just before I felt his side dip underneath his weight, that glorious muscular weight. The man had not an ounce of fat on him, and despite my pain and anger, I felt the familiar tightening in my lower belly and the heat his presence stoked within me. No words were spoken, no confessions blurted from guilt. Nothing. I knew he was awake, I could feel his eyes on me, and I knew he knew I was faking out of my ass. Soon, I felt his hand reach out to brush the errant curls off my face and I couldn't help it, I flinched away. My body may not know it was betrayed, but my mind certainly fucking do. "Lex," he rasped out, "I know you're awake. What's the matter?" I mentally screamed out in rage, what was the matter? You fucking cheated on me you asshole! He had the gall to act like he hadn't just broken my very being the night before. Normally, this tenderness from the Tacoma Killer melted me, tonight it iced over my heart. I understand the guardedness Tara has behind her eyes at times, and the urge to run? It was rampant within me.

I didn't respond to his inquiry, and he asked no more. He wrapped his arm around me and tried to pull me against him, but with the last bit of strength I had, I resisted. Putting a hand against his tattooed chest I pushed back and opened my tired eyes. "Hap," I shivered, "don't." I saw the question in his black orbs, but I pulled away and turned the opposite direction. For the first time in three years, I stayed awake all night in bed with Happy, but was not in the throes of passion or wrapped in his embrace. I was empty. The next morning, I crawled out of bed before Hap got up, and headed to the kitchen. Opening the drawer, I got out my emergency pack of Newports and favorite lighter and headed to the table. Sitting down I pulled out a cigarette and stared at it for ten minutes, before putting it back in the pack. Pulling my legs onto the chair, I laid my head on my knees and held myself until the tell tale signs of Hap moving about caught my attention. When I heard his footsteps coming down the hall, I was suddenly filled with the desire for that cigarette. Quickly lighting one up, I inhaled the nicotine as he entered the kitchen. Damn, he was beautiful. Even after all this time, he still took my breath away, especially as his muscles rippled as he stalked toward me. I sat, quietly observing and refusing to say anything first. Slamming a chair out from the table Hap sat down and growled, "What the fuck is your problem?"

I was enraged. I let Hap get away with a lot of shit and backed down more than I was proud to admit. He knew that I was tough as nails, had proved by the number of girls I sent to the hospital after trying to mess with him. For whatever reason, I never really stood up against Hap. I wasn't afraid of him, he may be a merciless killer, but I feared no man. Not when my stepfather beat me, and especially not when he tried to rape me, which was coincidentally the last thing he ever did. I was tired of adhering to the Old Lady place, I was my own person. Lifting my eyes up, I sent a piercing glance at his face, and inhaled quietly. "Don't talk to me like that," I said strongly. He spat out, "Then tell me what the hell is wrong!" "Where'd you go the other night? When you didn't come home." I prayed that he came clean at this moment; I needed him to come clean by himself. "I was at the clubhouse," he replied. I forced a laugh and said in turn, "Life is funny isn't it? I would never dream of being with another man, and it seems to be all you can do to fuck other women." He looked sharply at me and had the balls to ask what the fuck I was talking about. "I went over to the clubhouse to apologize for our fight, and I found you naked in bed with a croweater. You lying sack of shit! What happened to you were with me? Huh? I put up with your on the road bullshit, which is a total crock, because you promised that I would never have to deal with that shit here!" At this point I stood up and was pacing the kitchen floor, and Hap just sat there watching me. "Lex, I was drunk alright, it really didn't mean anything. I was pissed off and she was there and I took what was offered."

He said this as if it were a viable explanation for his cheating. I turned my back on him and clenched the counter for support. Breathing harshly, I was trying to control my anger, but my inner self won out and I grabbed the bottle of tequila and whirled on him. I threw it past his head so that it shattered against the wall. Of course, he sat there unruffled. "How dare you! Don't you fucking dare try to justify this shit! Do you even love me at all? Or am I just a stable pussy to stick it in whenever you want?" He stood up lightning fast and told me quietly, "Shut the fuck up Alexis." "No, Hap, I am going to fucking say my piece! I love you, you stupid shithead, I love you with every part of me. I love you and only you irrevocably and I have NEVER fucked somebody else in the time we have been together. From the moment I met you, it has ONLY been YOU! Why the hell can't you choose me? Why am I not good enough for you to WANT to be with only me?" "Lexis…" he started to say but I cut him off. "But hey, you say you love me and you fuck other women, so maybe I should fuck other men too. Is that what you do when you love someone?" His eyes flashed and he charged towards me, "Don't ever fucking say that shit to me again." "Kozik always seems to enjoy my company, always pressing himself against my body and trying to touch my breasts and ass. He's a hot piece of ass too." I could see my words rile him further and further, but I just _didn't care_. I wanted to hurt him, so I cut deeper. "I bet he could really give me a fun time." "Shut the fuck up!" Hap growled. "Just imagine, his hands rubbing all down my body, his fingers gliding against my slit and giving me pleasure." The Killer was coming out of Hap and I could feel the anger radiate from his body. His hands were clenched into fists and his whole body was locked, ready to pounce. "Pounding his warm, hard cock into my pussy. All. Night. Long…" Hap surged forward and grasped my neck in his all to capable hand and slammed me into the wall, effectively cutting off my tirade. I did nothing but look at him, this man I loved despite it all. "I said to shut the fuck up! Don't ever fucking say that shit to me again." Each sentence punctuated with a squeezing of his hand. I rasped out, "What are you gonna do Hap? Kill me?"

Our eyes met and I whispered, "Do it now then. It's better than slowly dying each time your in someone else. End my misery." His hand unclenched and released my throat from its grasp. I slid to the ground and he followed. "I can't do this shit anymore Hap. I won't be betrayed by the man I love. I hate myself for it, and I hate you for making me love you enough to allow it." He looks up at me and still says nothing. "Either you love me the same and can promise that you will never be with anyone else, or I leave and find someone who will." His eyes darkened again.  
>"I'll kill whoever thinks about being with you. That tattoo means that you're mine. Only mine." I shook my head, "I'll always be yours, and I'll only ever love you for the rest of my life. But, I will not stay with you if you're going to be with other women. I can't do it." He left me in silence, and he said nothing. With tears springing into my eyes, I placed my hands on his knees and leaned over, kissing him hard for the last time. I get up and take my tired bones to the bedroom and begin to pack my belongings.<p>

I turn around to pack up some of my clothes and see Hap standing in the doorway. Ignoring his presence, I continue to shove things into my duffel and finish the task rather quickly. I take his dog tags off from around my neck and turn to face him. "Here, these belong to you." I whisper and slide them into his palm. I spin around and grab my duffel and slip past Hap's body. "I meant what I said Hap, I will **always **love you." With that, I head towards the door when I hear his raspy voice, "Alexis". I stop immediately, my heart beating a thousand beats per minute. I can feel him come behind me and grasp my bag. He takes it from my hand, and spins me around to face him. We stare into each other's eyes for a minute, and I hear the sound of my bag hitting the floor. The chinking of metal fills my eardrums as Hap's hands circle around my neck and place the dog tags on me once more. "I love you. I love you more than life and more than my club and brothers. You are my everything, and I'm a selfish bastard, but I won't live without you. You make my life better just be breathing. I never feel as complete as when you are in my arms, and when I am inside of you, it feels as if I am home. I promise you, that I will NEVER be with another woman as long as I shall live. I am sorry for having hurt you so much, I never want you to feel this way again. You're it for me." Looking into his eyes, I could feel the love and sincerity. Happy never promises anything, and when he does he never breaks it. I crash my lips onto his and kiss him with as much love as I possibly can. He picks me up and carries me back to the bedroom, where we swiftly disrobe and fall into the bed together and when he enters me, I feel stretched and I feel full, and soon my senses explode and his warm seed bursts deep within me. He gathers me into his arms, still deep inside me, and I whisper into his ear, "I love you too. Forever."


End file.
